They deserve to be happy

Most love marriages fail because the lovers and later the husband and wife become the victims of infatuation and not of true love. There are also other reasons for failed marriages. For that matter, many arranged marriages that take place after thorough scrutiny by parents also fail. Love affairs of young people which culminate in marriage, more often than not bring forth a frustrating result. If such a marriage breaks, it is better. If it lingers on, both the parties experience endless pain and suffering.

Frustration that emanates from misunderstandings, and in some cases betrayal, creates many obstacles that ultimately lead the parties nowhere. Failing to derive true happiness, they engage themselves in activities that negate the true essence of marriage. When one is found engaged in activities that shake the very foundation of trust and faith, the erosion of the bond begins. The wife usually tries to mend the strained relationship by forgiving the husband for acts that would not be acceptable to him if were committed by her.

Mostly this age-old practice proves a futile exercise. There are marriages where the husbands at one point in time come back to their senses and attempt to make married life worthwhile by refraining from activities that are not congenial for happy married life. But such examples are rare.

Not necessarily all love marriages fail. It fails when the good man is missing in the husband or the good woman is missing in the wife. Whether the husband is a son of a lord or himself a lord, a prince, or a pauper does not matter. What matters is the man inside the husband and woman inside the wife.

Wayward young husband and wife, when they attain maturity and experience, may sometimes venture to live a happy life reposing trust in each other, but it hardly works because both the parties by this time have created an unholy world it is difficult to exit.

This situation prevails where both the parties are engaged in forbidden affairs to acquire placebo happiness this way or that way. In many cases the wife is the worst sufferer because of her lost beauty, love for children, social stigma, family prestige, etc.

This is more true when the wife is unable to earn her livelihood or she has to depend on her husband. Economic emancipation of a wife can drastically reduce the high-handedness of the husband. Economic freedom of a wife is not the only criterion to make the home happy, respect for each other is also imperative. There are cases where loyal husbands and loyal wives are doing good jobs and earning good money, yet sticking to one woman or one man tends to be difficult.

When the whole world is open before them, the possibility of developing a passionate relationship with someone other than the life partner cannot be brushed aside. An old man falling for a young woman is not uncommon. These are the cases where lust dominates the affair. A young woman falling for an old man is also induced by many considerations. This type of relationship may look successful for the time being, but most ultimately fail.

Nevertheless, there are couples who are happy and know the art of remaining happy. A few days ago I was in a gathering where one of the guests commented that they were married for 43 years, but enjoyed a feeling that they had married only yesterday. One of my neighbours once told me that the secret of her good health was the love, affection, and respect of her husband for her. To be happy both have a role to play. One party's dedication hardly can bring any desired result. Marriage is a pious relationship. It is heavenly if properly nurtured. It is not only lust and ecstasy. The other name of love is trust and respect for each other. Let me remind the skeptics that marriage is a bond that has many dimensions. It is not confined to physical lust and sexuality only. Nor should proximity diminish one's attachment. There are people like this, but certainly all can not be bracketed under this category.

The love affair of mature persons when physical beauty of one person or of both has taken a back seat is supposed to be stable, and they make happy couple. They care for intrinsic values and abiding faith. Physical beauty and youth are transitory assets.

Diana's death was shocking. If that death hadn't taken place, history would have been different. If we find reasons to blame Prince Charles for Diana's disastrous end, then we also need to analyze the fact that Diana could not confine her love to one man. She kept on falling in love here and there. To be happy, she should have married someone, or she could even maintain a single friendship with someone. It is indeed difficult to live a lonely life. One has to share one's time with someone and has to have someone to love.

Charles is responsible for one mistake, he knew that he still loved Camilla, yet he married Diana, and then failed to love her. He should not have consented to this marriage. Charles did not involve himself with any woman other than Camilla. He has been maintaining this relationship for 35 years. This is amazing and this evokes respect in me.

That the relationship is not tinged with lust is evident from their reticence about the public reaction and from the absence of display of any raw emotion. Camilla never uttered anything offensive against anyone while many have used nasty words about her. Both of them have shown remarkable patience and profound respect for each other.

The relationship is now mellow, so its fruitfulness cannot be denied or prevented with any degree of criticism. Sensible ones will pray for their happiness, and I shall do so even louder, because I firmly believe that they deserve to be happy and they deserve to enjoy the reward of their abiding love for each other.